34 Reasons Why You Should Hate Clowns Too

34 Reasons Why You Should Hate Clowns Too

BONUS Reasons: Star Trek | Star Wars | X-Files | Pulp Fiction | Usual Suspects

  1. A clown wrote the original music and lyrics to (you guessed it) “Macarena.”
  2. They are different than the rest of us.
  3. They rhyme with frowns.
  4. They have big feet.
  5. See: The Seinfeld episode where George meets “Eddie” the clown.
  6. They have a phobia named after them. (coulrophobia, more commonly known as clownophobia)
  7. Jack Handy “Deep Thought”: To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
  8. Read the Stephen King book, “It”.
  9. You know what they say, “Once a clown, always a clown.”
  10. I sang a sad song about them.
  11. See: The Animaniacs episode where Wakko meets the Jerry Lewis-like clown.
  12. A clown stole my dad’s job.
  13. I bet Paul Newman never played a clown character. (You gotta like Paul Newman)
  14. A clown ate the dog that ate my homework. (And my professor wouldn’t believe me!)
  15. See: The Bill Murray movie, “Quick Change.”
  16. They don’t follow vehicle safety rules (20 in a car can’t be legal).
  17. A clown wouldn’t make a good superhero. Ex: “Never fear, Clown-Man is here!” (See, it’s an oxymoronic phrase…not that I’m scared of clowns, mind you.)
  18. See: Any episode of the Simpson’s featuring Krusty the Clown. (One word: seedy)
  19. Clowns stink.
  20. See: Any episode of In Living Color featuring Homey D. Clown. (One word: militant)
  21. Clowns have to smile all the time. Repressing all their non-happy feelings can’t be good for them.
  22. I have never seen a clown help an old lady across the street.
  23. Another Jack Handy “Deep Thought”: You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he’s real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

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    Star Trek

  24. Captain Kirk had to hate clowns.
  25. Clowns made the tribbles.
  26.  

  27. Clowns shaved Captain Picard’s head.
  28. The BORG is really a futuristic group of extra evil clowns. (I believe it’s the Bozo ORGanization.)

  29. Star Wars

  30. Darth Vader’s mangled face is really another mask. Under that he is really a clown (that’s the real secret.)

  31. Boba Fett’s first bounty was to capture a clown pirate.

  32. X-Files

  33. The “Cigaratte Smoking Man” works part time as a clown. (That’s right–a clown killed JFK and MLK!)

  34. Sculley was really abducted by a group of rogue clowns, trained as helicopter pilots.

  35. Pulp Fiction

  36. A clown was the one who scratched Vincent Vega’s car after he got it out of storage.

  37. The briefcase: Yes, it was Marsellus Wallace’s clown suit inside. (He had to keep that out of the wrong hands. Would you want everyone to know you were a clown?)

  38. Usual Suspects

  39. Keyser Soze = the devil = a clown.