These are a few of the 100’s of stories and experiences sent in to me from visitors of the original No Clown Zone site.
GWYN'S LETTER
My god!! All my friends and family members have alternately ridiculed and marveled at me all my life-- clowns absolutely scare the bejeezus out of me! i remember being at the circus when i was a little girl and crying when i saw the clowns. i liked the acrobats and the dancing bears, myself. i have no idea why they bother me so much. i wasn't ever assaulted by one or anything. thank you so much for identifying with me! love, gwyn
I've always hated them, ever since I was a little kid. My favorite anti-clown story is: as assistant band director for Penns Grove High School in New Jersey, I was setting up the percussion instruments. A stinkin' clown came over and started banging away on our $5000 marimba (like it was funny or something). I told him, "put the mallets down and stop". He wouldn't stop!
So I went over to him and told him", I'm in charge of these several thousand dollar instruments, and if you don't get out of here I'm going to remove you myself." He answered back, "come on, lighten up. I'm just trying to have some fun." He walked away, but don't you know I see that clown at almost every parade the band marches in. I HATE CLOWNS !!!
I once had a clown porcelain mask on my wall when I was younger. My mother's friend gave it to me. My mother then put it on the wall in her bedroom. It had scary red rimmed eyes (that were very scary). It stared at me all the time. Then I -- out of abject terror, removed the mask from her wall -- one stormy October night when the lights had gone out from a severe Fall storm. I smashed its face with a sledgehammer. The face began to speak to me saying in a smooth resonant voice "kill, kill your mother."
Needless to say I was rather disturbed by this brush with satan and I haven't fully recovered from the traumatic event. To this day -- on dark stormy nights I paints my face white with clown makeup -- donning a clown nose and speaking to myself in the mirror "Kill, kill clowns -- you talkin to me? YOU talking to me? Kill, kill clowns." fin
Tina -- an ardent fan of In Living Color -- loved the character called "Homey the Clown." So she decided to quit school and become a full-time clown. She went to all night gas stations and supermarkets policing those that bought generic food stuffs.
It so happened -- on a stormy fall night -- while Tina was making her rounds at the local Food For Less (she was in sanitary napkin aisle) she came upon a startling revelation. Poised with a whipping sock was another clown on her turf. Tina said in a loud pissed off voice -- "What you doin' on my side of the town you Homey-wannabe? You know there aint room for the both of us in this here town." The loser replied, "Fuck you Hoopy!" He raised his sock one again -- prepared to knock Tina/Hoopy upon the head. What happened next occurred so quickly that those without super hero abilities would have missed -- but the result was the Homey-wannabe Declowned -- wiped clean of his clown makeup -- naked and with out his floppy red shoes.
It was then that Tina walked passed a security mirror and saw her crazed expression. It was then that she had a surprising realization. The epiphany was like a lightening bolt from Christ himself.... She looked like an idiot dressed as her clown superego, "Hoopy." She heard a voice as she peered into the concaved surface of the mirror -- the voice was a laughing voice --a voice from Hell. Tina said "You talkin to me? YOU talkin to me?" the voice replied "Yes, I am talking to you you sorry assed freak. What the hell are you doing hitting my customers -- get the hell out!!"
So Tina left -- dejected and confused. Once she had got a block away from the store she began to remove her clown garb, vowing to give up the clown business. She was reflecting upon her knew found hate for Homey the Clown when she heard a faint rustling inthe distance. The sound grew louder and louder like it was approaching her -- like it was stalking her. She smelled the lingering smell of pancake makeup and red plastic and she knew that there was no escape from what was coming toward her. It was a marauding Clown Mob -- a gang called Polka Dots. The homey wannabe that she had dueled with in the Food For Less was a member and had brought his gang along to exact his poetic revenge. They removed their bulbous overflowing water pistols from their green polka dotted pockets.
With hate in their eyes and rage in their hearts they shot Tina brutally. The force of all the pistols at once knocked Tina to the ground. The clowns ripped her clothes from her body -- stole her rednoce and laughed at her whimpering, quivering form.
Tina is recovering at Mt. Sinai Medical Center. She is resting comfortably watching Melrose place, but says that her experience has taught her to hate clowns with an overwhelming venom and that she will not rest until all clowns have been eliminated from the planet. She calls for Clownocide. Her first action will be to placed a bomb in Circus Circus, Reno. DOWN WITH CLOWNS! Kill, Kill the Clowns...... the end
I've had this recurring dream of a Charlie McCarthy puppet (re-inforced by childhood screenings of 'Poltergeist') hiding under my bed and strangling me if I don't WAKE UP RIGHT NOW! To this day (I'm an adult, now, I think) I have a bed no beasties can hide under--pedestal and all, he couldn't hide under there, could he...
My mom has a clown corner too! Also a big picture painted by her friend next to my bedroom! She used to make me dress up as a clown on Haloween. I couldn't even eat the candy! Terrible. I won't do it anymore though.
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